


the space between

by fortunedays



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, basically this is just soft christmas jemily, okay this is angsty but i PROMISE there's a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 17:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12215223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortunedays/pseuds/fortunedays
Summary: In which Emily and JJ learn to understand the distance between them, and what exactly it means to be in love.





	the space between

**Author's Note:**

> things you said #16 + #31: things you said with no space between us + things you said while i cried in your arms.

Emily hates Paris.

Sure, it's pretty. The food is delicious and the language is interesting, and there's enough new and flashy things to ensure that she is never bored. But Paris is cold and far away from what is comfortable. Even under a new name, dissolved in a new life, Emily still feels like a foreigner. In the two years she's been here, she's made work acquaintances and become moderately friendly with a few neighbors, but she hasn't formed any relationships worth writing home about.

_Home_. The word almost feels empty to Emily now; something she lost and hasn't yet found. Home was her apartment in Quantico, the BAU, Sergio, her friends...

She feels herself mentally stop short as she thinks of her friends, because it's a dangerous topic. No matter how hard she tries, it always ends up right where it will inevitably end tonight - with her thinking about JJ.

And, if Emily's honest, she only has one reason why she hates Paris - it doesn't have JJ.

 

* * *

 

December is the hardest month for Emily. All the bright lights and happy couples strolling happily around Paris only depress her, and she spends most of her time wishing she were anywhere else. She doesn't expect this year to be any different, and as November fades into December, Emily finds herself missing Quantico more and more.

The first weekend in December, it snows heavily for the first time. Emily spends most of her Saturday at home, curled beneath a blanket and watching all of the non-French movies she can find. The minimal light that had forced its way through the heavy clouds has begun to fade, and the room is shrouded in semi-darkness when Emily's phone begins to ring. She grabs it from the table and stares at the number, her thumb hovering frozen over _answer_.

The number isn't saved in her phone, but she doesn't need it to be. It's the only number she calls nowadays; the only one she's cared enough to memorize.

Grinning, she answers the call and sighs, "Hey JJ."

"Hey Emily!" Even across miles and miles, Emily can hear JJ's smile. "How are you?"

"Cold," Emily pouts. "It's been snowing for the better part of the last twenty-four hours."

"It's snowing here too. Spencer came to work today with his hair half frozen." They both laugh, and Emily feels warm from the inside out.

"Oh Reid, what are we going to do with him? How are you, Jayje?"

JJ hesitates for a second longer than normal. "I'm alright. But I did have something I wanted to ask you." JJ's voice brightens, and Emily can't help but smile.

"Hit me."

"Do you have any plans during the week of Christmas? Up until New Year's?"

Emily frowns, wondering why JJ has sparked a sudden interest in her social plans. "Uh, I don't think so. I'm not the most social butterfly."

"I know, little wallflower." JJ chuckles. "I ask because I was wondering how you'd feel about me coming to visit you."

"During Christmas?" Emily can't help her shock. Even though JJ wasn't a strict celebrator of Christmas, it was always important for her to be with her family.

JJ pauses again, and when she speaks, melancholy has seeped into her voice. "Will and I, we're...not really getting along at the moment. Actually...I don't think we've been getting alone for a while."

"JJ," Emily whispers, at a loss for anything to say.

"He's taking Henry to see his family for Christmas. Said he figured it wouldn't matter since I'd be at work anyway." She laughs bitterly. "I asked Hotch for the time off and he said to take as much as I needed. I figured he could tell."

"I'm sorry, JJ." Emily had never been a big fan of Will to begin with, but that was more likely due to her feelings for JJ than anything else. However, she knew how much JJ loved her son. "You're more than welcome to come see me, always. I'm not the most thrilling company, but I'd never say no to you."

JJ laughs quietly. "Thanks, Em. I miss you."

"I miss you too."

They stay silent for a few minutes, just listening to the other's static. It's nothing near being together, but, if only for a moment, it makes them feel closer.

A sharp beep and JJ's sigh break the silence. "It's Hotch. I guess we've got a case."

"It's okay," Emily says, knowing JJ will certainly feel guilty about cutting their time short. "Go catch an unsub for me."

JJ laughs. "Will do."

"I'll see you soon," Emily says with a smile, and she feels her heart warming at the thought of being reunited with JJ in a few weeks.

"Yeah," JJ replies, and her voice is soft. "Very soon. Bye Em."

"Bye JJ."

The sun has set fully now, and Emily flicks on a few lights. The movie on her TV is showing a happy couple in a Hallmark-esque Christmas rom-com, but with the promise of seeing JJ floating cheerfully in her head, Emily can't bring herself to hate it.

 

* * *

 

_Boarding now! See you soon! XO_

For the past several hours, Emily has been staring at JJ's text with a goofy smile on her face. An hour before JJ is due to land, Emily heads to the airport, and despite it being only five days before Christmas, the roads aren't busy. She finds JJ's terminal easily, and paces as she waits, too excited to sit.

Emily comes to a halt when she sees people begin to leave the plane. She scans the line of people, looking for that distinctive blonde head she'd recognize anywhere.

JJ emerges after a few minutes, wrapped in a coat and her eyes searching for Emily. They catch eyes quickly, and Emily knows the bright smile on JJ's face is reflected on her own.

JJ rushes over and Emily envelopes her in a tight hug. When they finally let each other go, their smiles haven't faded, and Emily takes a moment to soak JJ in. She's even more beautiful than Emily remembers, but Emily can see the exhaustion behind JJ's eyes that has nothing to do with jet lag. Desperately, she hopes that she can do something to change it.

"It's so great to see you again," JJ sighs. "I've missed these happy greetings." Emily knows JJ isn't talking about just her own happy greetings, and feels a pang of disgust toward Will.

"Well," she says, a smile spreading slowly over her face, "I'll just have to make sure I give you the happiest greetings ever." With that, she wraps her arms around JJ's waist and spins her around. JJ's indignant yelp turns to laughter, and by the time Emily puts her down, they are both flushed and giggling.

"Well _that_ was definitely new."

Emily smirks. "Are you complaining?"

JJ laughs again. Hooking her arm with Emily's, she steers them toward the baggage claim. "Never."

 

* * *

 

Over the next four days, Emily takes JJ all around Paris. They go to all of the classic tourist spots that Emily thought she hated - the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, Notre-Dome. JJ gets excited over every new thing Emily shows her, and Emily starts to think that maybe it isn't so bad after all.

On Christmas Eve, Emily takes a break from her tour guide life and takes JJ to the places she loves the most - quiet bookshops and cafes that she spent decent time finding. They're quite personal, places Emily hasn't gone to with anyone before. But she wants JJ to know. For the first time, she wants someone to see the other side of her.

They eat dinner together at a tiny Italian restaurant, and Emily probes JJ about her favorite parts of Paris.

"You can't expect me to pick just _one!"_ JJ exclaims, and Emily laughs.

"Oh come on, you've gotta have _one_ thing that was super awesome!" JJ pouts. "Fine, top three."

JJ grins and leans forward, tapping her fork to her lips as she thinks. "Okay, well the Louvre was definitely top three. It's so amazing to be surrounded by that much art. And that little bookstore we went to this morning was so enchanting. I didn't want to leave!"

Emily laughs. "It's a great place. I'm glad you like it." JJ nods and takes another bite of her pasta. "You never said what your third favorite was!"

"Hmm," JJ teases, a coy smile on her face. "I guess that leaves you as number three."

Emily can feel the blush rising in her cheeks, and JJ goes a bit pink as well. Nudging JJ's foot under the table, Emily whispers, "You're my favorite too."

 

* * *

 

It begins to snow as the evening continues, and the two of them head back to Emily's flat for the night. JJ insists on watching all the silly Christmas movies she can find. Emily, heart full and a smile on her face, makes hot cocoa and lets JJ do as she pleases. When Emily returns to the couch, JJ has found a channel playing _How the Grinch Stole Christmas._ Emily hands JJ her cocoa and joins her under the blankets.

With JJ pressed against her side and the warmth from her mug, Emily grows drowsy quickly. Her mind begins to wander as she thinks about JJ; about what they are, what they could be. Emily can't help but feel a bit relieved that JJ and Will aren't getting along - and, by the way JJ had spoken about him the night before, Emily doesn't think they're in love any longer either.

It makes Emily feel a bit guilty. She wants JJ to be happy - that's why she'd stayed quiet about her feelings when JJ and Will got together. But she loves JJ, so much, and JJ chose to be here with Emily when she could've done anything else.

As if in response to her mental struggle, JJ shifts and rests her head on Emily's shoulder. "I can hear you thinking," she teases.

Emily laughs softly. "Oh really?"

"Yes. Stop thinking. Watch the movie." JJ's voice is jokingly petulant, and it makes Emily smile even more.

"Yes ma'am." JJ snorts.

The movie ends and switches to a holiday romance that Emily has never seen. She and JJ poke fun of its absurdity as it progresses and the two main characters refuse to admit their feelings for each other. Near the movie's end, once they've admitted their love, they go to a huge family Christmas gathering. It's so happy and nostalgic that even Emily thinks this might be something worth having. Beside her, JJ sighs.

"Would you ever want that?" she asks quietly.

Emily looks down at JJ, still leaning on Emily's shoulder. "The family?" JJ nods. "Yeah, someday. If I found the right person to have it with."

"I really thought I'd found the right person," JJ whispers, and Emily knows exactly where this is going. "I thought that I could be happy with Will, especially with Henry, but..."

"Hey," Emily says, and shifts so that JJ has to sit up and look at her. "I'm here. You can tell me anything."

JJ's face is unusually blank; Emily is surprised to see no tears. "I don't love him, Emily. I don't think he loves me either. But I think I've known for a while that I should've been somewhere else, I just...was too scared."

Emily can feel her heart beating faster and faster. JJ is looking at her as if she can see right to Emily's soul, and Emily doesn't want her to look away.

"Sometimes the best decisions are the ones that scare the shit out of us," Emily whispers. Everything she feels for JJ, all of those suppressed _I love yous_ , are building up in her chest, threatening to burst out. As she gazes at JJ, Emily knows this is the scariest thing she's ever done.

Cautiously, JJ reaches out and takes Emily's hand in hers. "I want this. I want you."

Emily doesn't know how to respond, but she's always been better at acting than speaking. Heart pounding, she cradles JJ's face in her hand and leans in.

When her lips meet JJ's, every atom in Emily's body feels electrified. All she can focus on is that JJ is touching her, that JJ is _kissing_ her. Emily pulls JJ closer until there is hardly any space between them. She swears she can hear JJ's heartbeat.

They break apart and still cling to each other, foreheads pressed together as they catch their breath. Emily can't help but smile, and JJ smiles too, and before they know it they're giggling uncontrollably.

"Okay, okay," JJ says, calming herself down. She looks up at Emily, who's gazing at her gently. "That went better than expected."

"I've wanted to kiss you for a long time, JJ," Emily whispers. "I was always afraid you didn't love me back."

JJ smiles sadly, and wraps her arms around Emily. Placing a kiss on her neck, she whispers, "I'm sorry that I was so afraid. I did love you, Emily. I do."

Emily smiles into JJ's hair. "I love you too."

 

* * *

 

The following days fade into one another; blurred by the happiness and love that is finally out in the open. JJ had called Will and told him the truth, and he had admitted that he knew. Relieved, JJ and Emily spent their days in a state of bliss. Emily almost couldn't believe that she was now allowed to hold JJ's hand and kiss her in public. It was like a dream.

On New Year's Eve, JJ insists on taking Emily to the Pont des Arts bridge. Emily knows it'll be crowded â€” it's the lovers' bridge, after all, but maybe that's why they should go. Plus, with the hopeful smile JJ gives her when she asks, there's no way Emily could say no.

They arrive an hour before midnight and pass the time walking along the bridge, hand in hand. Halfway down the bridge, they pause and lean against the railing, talking softly. JJ traces patterns on the back of Emily's hand.

"Em," she whispers eventually, "there's something we need to talk about."

Despite her overwhelming joy, Emily can feel the dread seeping through her body. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just...I want to stay, Emily. I want to stay here with you, I do. But I still have to go home and say goodbye, and formally end things with Will, all that stuff." JJ gazes out at the water, looking forlorn. "Will's already started the papers for the divorce, so it shouldn't take long. But I have to say goodbye to Henry. I know he'll understand enough."

Emily registers she's crying only a few seconds before JJ does. "Do you know how long?"

"Maybe two months, at the most." JJ squeezes Emily's hand as more tears fall. "I don't want to go, Emily, but I have to."

"I know. I just hate watching you leave. It always meant you'd never come back."

JJ pulls Emily closer, wiping away a few tears from her cheek. "It's okay, Em. I'll come back, I promise. I promise."

Emily knows, she does, but she can't help the empty feeling in her chest that becomes a void every time JJ leaves. "I don't want to watch you leave again. There's too much space between us."

JJ wraps her arms around Emily's waist; they stand cheek to cheek, entwined. "I'll never leave you, Emily. Never permanently. We love each other enough to stretch over any space between us."

"What about now?" Emily asks quietly, as a few more tears slip down her face. "What about this space?"

JJ smiles, squeezing Emily flush against her. "This is how you'll remember how much I love you."

Emily tries to push all thoughts of goodbye from her mind. They are here, now, on this bridge, with all of their love encased in the infinitesimal space between them. In two months, JJ will be back, and Emily will never have to watch her leave again. Around them, people begin to cheer as it turns midnight. Emily shifts and kisses JJ softly.

Eyes filled with tears but a smile on her face, Emily whispers, "I'll never forget."


End file.
